What is this?

Distancing slowly,
ahead, separate entry.
Catching the doors,
faking anonymity.

Sitting and waiting,
eyes scan the room.
Avoiding collision
more difficult soon.

Answering, listening,
differring comments.
Making them sound
like complete separate moments.

Eventual bonding
of left-behind witness,
choosing ignoring
is best in this business.

Regaining togetherness
feels like a blessing,
a hug and a kiss
and I'm never confessing.

Slight mental breakdown.

I don't know what's up with me today but I feel as though all the direction from my life has melted into a murky brown puddle. I'm not sure if I know where I am, or where I'm heading to, what to do next, how to approach the near/immediate future in order to get to the place where the goals I was speaking of yesterday are.

I wish I could exchange the furniture in my house for any other pieces I desire. Example. Swap my couch for any other couch of my liking. Swap an oven for some amazing art. Swap my bedside table for two matching new ones. Regardless of price, style, era, make.

I want a house, mind and wardrobe makeover. Maybe if I revamp my belongings and threads, everything will seem clearer up between my ears. But then I can't do that (to the extent that I would like to) without ample money at my disposal.

Now I need a way to make the money that I require. I could do that through the direction that I want to move my career into, but I'm not there yet, and not even really on the way. I do love the environment that I'm working in at the moment, and the opportunities that it brings along with it, but at the same time, I'd also like to be gaining different knowledge and skills that I'm unable to achieve through my current workplace.

I wish there was a way I could double the time in each day so that I could continue to work where I am, and make money and gain knowledge that way AND offer my time to another place where I could gain the extra bits that I need in order to come nearer to my goals (most probably with minimal pay, if any).

So there's my catch 22.

Want to achieve my goals, need money to do that, want to learn skills necessary to achieve my goals, but won't make money that way. Could keep making money the way that I am, but won't achieve the goals entirely.

Help?

Etcetera: Creating Beautiful Interiors with the Things You Love